Finally!

Memory says Hello!

Two years spent waiting for the day when I would get to see these precious girls again. Two years of build-up and high expectations. Today exceeded all of those expectations!

The Selfie Game with Memory, Natasha, Lungowe & Emma Grace

I have battled a lot of nerves leading up to this day. Would they remember me? Would they be balky to see me? Would their lives me better or worse than when I had last seen them? I shared a lot of worries with one of my translators, Ruth, on Sunday. She encouraged me, but I could still barely sleep last night. My friend, Meredith, said it best. It was like the excitement of Christmas Eve, Halloween, and New Year's Eve all wrapped into one night. 
Today when I stepped off the bus at noon after a tour of the city, I was anxiously looking for Ruth's face at the front of one of the 99 lines of children. Before my eyes could even find Ruth, I was attached from all sides. I heard them first, shouting Auntie Emma Grace, before I saw them. I didn't think I would cry. Things don't always go as we plan!

Our Group!

I have been blessed with three new faces in my group: Judy, Bupe, and Violet. Let the sponsorship hunt begin! 

To all those who sponsor a child through Family Legacy:
Today I got to see the children whose lives you are transforming. I know that thousands of miles away, it is easy to feel removed and not realize the full impact of your support. All of my girls who are sponsored were immediately asking me about their sponsors by name. They wanted me to share that they pray for their sponsor every day, and thank God that He found someone to provide for them. These children take nothing for granted and make the best of every opportunity. Judith, who started school two years ago, is now in grade 5 at the age of twelve. Talk about excelling. You are an instrumental piece in God's plan of giving them a hope and a future, like the verse Jeremiah 29:11 says.  I am grateful to all that sponsor, pray for, and think about these amazing children!

Memory & Natasha

Captivated!

6.22.16
Only ten more days until I am able to step out from behind the scenes and have my very own girls at camp! I have been praying a lot about what message I will share in my short time with my girls. The right topic has eluded me until last night when my friend, Savannah, handed me inspiration in the form of a book: Captivating. 

The best way for me to describe Captivating is that it is a devotional for a woman's heart. This book does not give you the ten rules you should follow to be a woman of God or describe all the things you are doing wrong in your life. Instead this book illustrates how a woman's heart is the reflection of a God. 

On a personal level, this book speaks directly to my heart. It is, in parts,validating and reassuring, while, at the same time, challenging me to be the best that I can be in my life. It is not profound because of its eloquence or brilliance. The book merely captures what it means to be a woman and how a woman can reflect the essence of God.

Reading this book in Zambia gives me a sort of purpose and I could not ask for a better book to read before my week of camp. The nerves have been setting in as my week approaches. I know my girls will show me love me no matter what, but I want to profoundly impact their life in a very short time. I just have no idea how to do that!

As I was reading last night, the topic of self-worth was heavy on my heart and plentiful in the pages. In a culture where men are valued over women and abuse is common, self-worth is not a topic discussed here in Zambia. Being physically attractive is more of a curse than a blessing as it can attract unwanted attention. Being intelligent is not appreciated as women are not heard. Instead of being told of the heavenly power they reflect on their hearts, these precious jewels are depreciated by the society around them. Captivating showed me that a worthy message to these girls did not have to be profound. It just needed to be heard.

In the Creation Story, Eve is the final gift from God. The final touch needed to complete His masterpiece. I always thought of Eve as more of an after thought or a necessary addition for reproduction. Not the missing piece to a glorious puzzle. If I, someone who has been taught self-worth and value my whole life, did not recognize the importance of Eve, then how could the girls here? Adam was created to be active, a reflection strength and power. However, God needed to reveal more of himself. He reveals His beauty and gentleness in women. 1 Corinthians 11:17 says "women is the glory of men" one is not better than the other. Together they compliment each other. Without each other, they are weak. 

A woman's fear of abandonment strikes deep in the hearts of women. That fear was put there by God. The fear of abandonment, a curse placed after the crime in the Garden of Eden, was a necessary evil. Meant to not punish, but to bring us back to the open arms of God. Through abandonment, He shows us that without Him we are incomplete. My girls can overcome the paralyzing pain of abandonment by running straight into the arms of God. We have fathers or other figures to comfort us. They only have Him. 

Regardless of demographics, many women have had their hearts assaulted. It can happen through verbal, physical or emotional abuse. This assault should band us together. The soul of the woman is designed specifically to be different from the soul of the man. In Matthew 6:26, Jesus asks "are you not more valuable" than the birds of the air? Women were not an afterthought or necessity. They are the crowning piece to the most magnificent work of art. My girls are the crowning piece to Zambia.



Gentle Readers:
I wanted to take a moment to take a moment to thank everyone who has been following my summer journey through this blog. A few people have reached out to me about my blog and just knowing that it is being read has made my day every time. 

I have loved using my blog to share my experiences and thoughts so much that I have been brainstorming ways to transform Miles Away into a year round blog. The first change when I return home and am no longer confined by small amounts of data usage will be the name. I have settled on the name  The Intemporal. Some of you may have received a follow request from an Instagram account with the username @theintemporal. I have been capturing so many unbelievable photos over this trip with no good outlet to share them. This account was created to share my experiences and will be linked to my blog. Apologies if I did not follow you. I was most likely nervous about the amount of data I was using. Please take the time to check out @theintemporal on Instagram!

I am really excited to transition Miles Away into a year round journey. I hope that you stick with me as I figure things out and change things up! 

Father's Day!

6.19.16
Happy Father's Day from Zambia! We celebrated our fathers, both earthly and eternal, today in church. Although the Tree of Life children have no true earthly family to claim or care for them, joy still filled the Legacy Center today. Powerful joy for our Father above, the Father to the fatherless. Greer mentioned that the heart of a father desires three things: to protect, provide and prepare. What a blessing to have a father back in the states who strives to do all three for me every day in additional to the watchful eye of my Heavenly Father. 

Today, I switched up my seat arrangements and sat with the boys of Redeemer's House. I sat next to an eleven year old boy named Simon, a sixteen year old boy named Ruiz and a 20 month old boy named Alec who sat in Ruiz's lap. Alec's adorable looks and hilarious behavior were uplifting to witness, but what was really uplifting was watching a sixteen year old boy act as both father and brother to Alec. Alec came to the Tree of Life by way of his older brother, Benjamin. Benjamin's situation came to the attention of Family Legacy about six months ago. Further investigation led to the discovery of Benjamin's brother. This is the youngest child ever brought to the Tree of Life. Benjamin is only four and half years old himself and resides in a different Tree of Life house. So the boys of Redeemer's House, especially Ruiz, have accepted the responsibility of little Alec. Today, while thinking of my earthly father, I watched a sixteen year old protect, provide and prepare a 20 month old child who was not his blood relative.

It is the small stories like this that make up an organization named for the legacy of family. These children have witnessed hardships that I will most likely never encounter for the rest of my life. Yet, they continue to exemplify the unconditional love that our Heavenly Father has for every one of us. Ruiz's actions today showed me the actions of a godly family, as he took off and then promptly put back Alec's shoes as Alec demanded. 

Jeremiah 31:3 says, "The Lord said to Israel: 'I have loved you, my people, with everlasting love. With unfailing love, I have drawn you to myself'". That is the love of our Father and our fathers on earth. It is unconditional. No strings attached. No matter how many times we ask for our shoes to be removed and then put back on, it will be done out of love for us. 

So give your earthly father an extra hug and a kiss today, as I cannot do for my own. (I have a virtual one planned .... see below!) Thank them for the unconditional love that they give each day. Thank God for the precious gift of your earthly father. Most importantly, don't forget to celebrate our Heavenly Father as well.

Today in Photos and a Few Words:
I made a Father's Day sign today and passed it around to the children in the Tree of Life. Each child's individual snap was compiled into a college below. (Unfortunately, the photo quality is low as the editing application requires more internet to save higher quality.)

Struggling with Reality

6.16.2016
I feel like I haven't touched a lot on the culture of Zambia. Primarily because I feel resistant to full understanding of the culture myself. When you attend Camp Life you are given statistics like 5% of the population is wealthy while the other 95% lives in extreme squalor. There is no middle class. As a participant, I vividly remember going into camp knowing that my girls were victims of sexual assault, beaten and witnessed violence daily. I didn't fully appreciate until later that knowing the statistics and facts about these children's living situation does not mean you understand their realities. I've struggled with that a lot this summer. At camp, what you see are the bright and joyful faces of small children. It is easy to forget about what they return to when they leave these gates. 

I had a great conversation with a woman named Tara about this. Tara is living in my villa for her week of camp. It is her first time. What we decided on at the end of our conversation was that we cannot get it. Not getting it isn't wrong or right. We simply have not walked in their shoes. 

A theme throughout this conversation was the sense of being removed. In our world today, we hear awful things daily. We are seemly able to process and understand because we are removed from the situation. We aren't in the midst of it, living. The same concept applies to Camp Life. Even though I am in Lusaka, minutes away from several compounds or slums, I am removed. Each night, I am returning to a comfortable bed and most importantly a safe place to rest. At camp, we experience our children as they are in a removed setting. Even on community day, or the day when you visit your children's compound, you are still removed. You are a visitor attempting to look into an environment that is extremely complicated and multi faceted. At situations that really only present themselves when one is vulnerable and alone. 

The removed setting is both a blessing and a curse for these sweet children .  The safety offered by camp allows the children an outlet. A way for them to be heard. Finally, they have someone to listen to their fears and provide hope and comfort on at least some level. As participants, we have to be mindful not to let our separation soften the extremity of their situation. Tara talked a lot about processing, and how she just can't seem to process what these children tell her everyday. There is a sense of numbness. I think it is our hearts protecting us from the pain of hearing these stories. We tell ourselves that this is the way Zambia is. At least, that's how I cope. By telling myself this is the way Zambia is, that this is the norm for them, I close myself off a little. I don't want to feel the sharp pain that pierces my heart when one of my girls looks at me with tearful eyes and explains how she has been assaulted and beaten since she was 6. Tara doesn't want to experience the overwhelming pain that comes with knowing that two of her boys are sexually assaulted by "witches" or older women in the community because this increases their "witchcraft status". 

Tara spoke of her approaching return to the states, and her fear of going back after what she has experienced in Zambia. How do you take off on a double decker plane that supplies many worldly luxuries after this? The empathy she is feeling for these children that is keeping her from wanting to board that plane is beautiful. It's also painful. We come to Zambia to love and to help. If we begin to accept "the norm of Zambia", even if it is just a coping strategy, we don't help a problem. We perpetuate it. It may be hard for me to look into a child's eyes and realize that he has already watched his father stab his mother. But we have to. These children are the next generation of an ailing country. Ignoring their stories will not break the cycle. It's their culture. Breaking a culture is hard. Only God can do it. 
I ask tonight for prayers that I soften my heart each day, as painful as it is, to these children. As strange as it sounds, I pray that God does not allow me to look at them as joyful children at a week long camp session. I ask that God shows me the whole story, so that I can help share His word. Only through His word can I arm them with some kind of weapon as they return to the streets that hold all kinds of evil.

Hello Tuesday

6.14.2016
The first two days of Camp Life have been just as awesome as last week! Today was a fellow Summer Staffer, Olivia's, birthday! Rumor has it that it is a Zambian tradition to dump water on the birthday girl! It was such fun, however, we have yet to confirm that this is a true Zambian tradition!  If not, it should be!(Rumor has it that there may be a surprise birthday celebration coming Olivia's way this evening.....details to follow!)
Family Legacy hosted a dinner and an auction tonight.  Now, we are about to go make sandwiches for the winning villa. 

Exciting for me this week is that Kelly Britt, one of my old Mystic counselors,  is here this week! Kelly was here also when I attended two summers ago. Its been so awesome spending time with Kelly in this setting! 

I posted a photo below of my morning quiet time. For me this time allows me to center and ready my heart for the day.  I feel so blessed to be in this setting seeing all of the wonderful things that God is doing here.  The children this week are just as awesome as last week.  The outward signs of illness (often HIV) is overshadowed by the joy that they each exude when they experience the community here at camp life.  Please keep us in your prayers.

All You Need is Love

6.12.2016
Sunday brings a day of worship followed by shopping in the market that consists of local craftsmen that bring goods to the compound and set up a "pop up" market.   I have two darling new friends new friends, Mary and Eunice  and they sat with me at church again this morning. Mary is about six years old and promptly fell asleep in my lap about three minutes into the service. 

The rest of our Sunday was relaxing as we prepared for another big week to come. When you sign up to work on Summer Staff you are scheduled for one week to actually be a Camp Life "regular" volunteer ~ meaning, you act as a leader to one of the groups of 10 girls.  So many Summer Staffers are participating in camp this week that we will be lower than usual in our staff numbers!   Prayers that it goes well! 

I am really enjoying the new group in our villa!  And, we have already had an interesting experience. Last night, our fire alarm went off erroneously around 9:00. It took about ten minutes to figure out how to work the unfamiliar machine after we realized that there was no fire. My poor parents. I terrified them, unintentionally, I might add. I texted them when the fire alarm was blaring "the fire alarm is going off".  I intended to let them know when we had everything settled back down, but when I plopped back in bed, I promptly fell asleep.   When I opened my eyes in the morning, I was greeted by numerous text messages  with varying degree of anxiety and panic and even a few missed calls. Apologies made, lesson learned!

Tonight we listened to the alumni testify about previous Camp Life experiences. Listening to grown men and young adults alike stand up and talk about how these Zambian children have transformed their lives is unbelievable. Interestingly  there were many fathers that stood up and began with sharing that they were reluctant to come in the first place.   Each of them expressed gratitude for the children in their respective groups and . And now they return for their children. A women I sat with at dinner said that last year her girls literally knocked her to the ground, knocked her "down with love". I loved that. These kids really do knock us down with love, both literally and figuratively. Their love is pure. They simply love you from the moment you step off the bus.
 
It's such an awesome reminder of how we should all treat each other. Just love each other. The day to day stresses of life make it harder than it sounds, but somehow these extremely vulnerable children love unconditionally. All the things we are here to teach them, and yet, another lesson that they are teaching us.

One Girl on a Mission

Food for Thought : worry is a form of disbelief. 

I read that this morning in my Jesus Calling during some quiet time before the day began. As someone who worries about anything and everything, it is a refreshing reminder. 

Before I debrief on our day, I want to address something that is widely discussed at camp. There has been a lot of discussion and questioning the intentions and helpfulness of mission trips. Everyone is, of course, entitled to their own opinions, and whether they feel called to mission work or not is between each person and Christ. However, I hope that people will find grace in the choices of those that chose to use faith to make a difference out in the world. Family Legacy has removed 700 children from the slums of Zambia to a safe compound where they attend school, receive medical care,  and thrive in a place that they can call home. Other children sponsored are able to attend Family Legacy run schools where they are not only educated, but fed. 

I honestly believe that Family Legacy would not be able to change the lives of so many children if American missionaries,  like those that are here now,  had not chosen to spend a week at Camp Life. How many times are our households asked for money? If Family Legacy just sent mass mailings and emails out about sponsorship, those communications would likely end up in the hands of well intentioned people on the same day as 4 other charities requested a donation. During this short week in Zambia, Americans can't help but fall in love with their ten children. It happened to me, and I have been watching it happen to everyone around me. The numbers spouted out to us about 1 million orphans dying or whatever the statistic is doesn't resonate deeply with us from afar. We hear large, alarming numbers constantly. However, these volunteers, missionaries,  are likely the only person in their ten children's lives who will ever truly listen to and know the stories that the children have to tell about their lives. Privileged Americans ( undoubtedly) return to the states ready to fight for sponsorship for a specific ten souls. No one else will do it with the fervor, religious or not. Okay I'm finished for now (although I could probably write about this for pages!)

The tiredness is beginning to creep up on me. But it is all worth it! Today I danced in the crows nest during the big camp sessions, and helped stuff backpacks with stickers, bubbles and other miscellaneous items. Crows nest was so much fun and the added benefit of a workout! Summer Staff dances up in the balcony so the volunteers can see the "moves" that accompany the words to the songs. 

Some of y'all gifted me $20 before I left for Zambia. That $20 paid for a backpack for one of my ten girls who will attend Camp Life. On the last day of camp, Friday, we will give all 900 children backpacks, and there will be many other surprises throughout the day. It is going to be a magical day.  I met the most darling boy named Gilbert. Gilbert is nine years old, likes soccer, the stickers found on the outside of apples and Camp Life. He made me smile. I posted a picture below. 

Tonight is an auction, and one of the "items" is individual Summer Staff!   The offering is that Summer Staff will make an entire villa's peanut butter and jelly lunch sandwiches for the rest of the week. I selfishly hope that my villa wins so we will host the sandwich making and avoid a  trek to other villas late at night in the cold. It's dry season here and can get very chilly! This Houstonian is adjusting!

Backtracking a little, last night our supervisors, Jonathan and Kim, led an awesome bible study for Summer Staff. We looked at who we are, who God specifically created us to be and the importance of being different. They wanted us to think about our differences and "unite through uniqueness". Comparison is so prevalent throughout our culture. If I could look like Gigi Hadid or have the "cool factor" of Anna Wintour, I would jump at the chance. But I need to remember that God created me, Emma Grace, for a reason. He doesn't make mistakes. Just like He didn't make a mistake with you or with any of these Zambian orphans. Our situations, looks and characteristics were completely intentional. Although I just look at these beautiful children's faces all day and think 'why did You put me in my blessed situation, and these children in their challenging situations, God?', I have to remember that He doesn't just drop people randomly. He intended for us to be right where we are for different reasons. We just have to stop and remember that our quest is to actively pursue Him and show Him to the world around us.

Week 1 Camp Life Begins!

Yesterday (the first day of camp) knocked me out. As hard as we hustled, it was impossible to keep a  smile off my face. The day began at 7:15. Kim, the staff member in charge of summer staff, gave us a few minutes to pray over the American volunteers and children arriving. I was flipping through my Bible, praying and thinking, when I came across my favorite verse. 

"Oh that we may know the Lord. Let us press on to know Him. He will come as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring." Hosea 6:3. 

If I am being completely honest about my faith life, it has been far too long since I have referred to that verse. A verse that has been a constant reminder of the unfailing love of Christ and my duty to love and serve Him. I can apply this verse to every aspect of life, and I have. However, I think that this verse applies so well to this situation. My prayer for Week 1 participants and all participants to come is that they don't just arrive and expect God to change their lives and these African children's lives. Rather, they work to show the love of Christ and to feel the love of Christ themselves. 

So, the first hours of Monday went through hectic time periods and then lulls. While the new volunteers received a tour of Lusaka, Summer Staff greeted the 900 children who pulled through Family Legacy's gate. These children tumbled off the bus and into our arms. We ordered them into the proper groups of ten. Then, they played and made bead necklaces while they patiently awaited the arrival of their ambassadors. 
I met the cutest 8 year old boys who called me "Auntie Emma Grace". Three of the boys were already sponsored. All knew their sponsors names, asked about their sponsors and told me that they prayed for their sponsors constantly. I found this to be heart warming and something I wanted to share with all who sponsor any children through Family Legacy. These children's love and gratitude for your actions is unbelievable. To them, you are not some unnamed benefactor living in America. You are their Auntie. The Auntie who is giving them a chance.

The rest of Monday flew by. I spent the rest of the day gathering donations with my partner in crime, Meredith. We had two golf carts which were loaded with pounds and pounds of donations and which promptly ran out of gas on us. It was an adventure. 

Monday night was almost as tiring as the day itself. While the new volunteers watched a video about the state of Zambia, specifically the prevalence of AIDS, Summer Staff brought their younger children back to the villas to make their sandwiches for the next day. Villa 1, my villa, is affectionately known as day care. We have all the children hanging out with us. All of those children were running around the top room, throwing footballs, jumping rope and wreacking all sorts of havoc. Somehow, we got through it with no broken bones or glass!

Today was no where near as tiring. From 9 to 12:30 I took pictures or "snaps" of all the children at Camp Life. I think I said "sekalala" (smile) over a thousand times. The children are absolutely adorable and so, so happy to have attention and opportunity.

We actually finished up early and had time to shower for dinner! Much more relaxing than Monday. All in all, both have been great!  

I was nervous to come here for the month, not knowing anybody, and not really having access to the ever addictive wifi or other comforts of home. My decision to come was the perfect decision for me. Zambia is beautiful, the children are beautiful and God is beautifully all around us. 

Luke, a four year old in my villa, said it best. When I asked what he liked about Zambia, he said "I like being in Africa because of the kids ... and the river (I saw) ... but mainly the kids". Me too, Luke!

Home away from Home!

Apologies for the late posting!  Should be able to get a few of my saved posts to show up today!   

Saturday, June 4th

The past two days in Zambia have been filled with small tasks and lots of organization. Preparing for both American volunteers and the Zambian children is a huge undertaking for this organization.  Each week this summer,  Camp Life is hosting 90+ American volunteers at camp. With each American volunteer leading a group of ten orphans, Family Legacy will cater to about 3,600 children before I leave Zambia. Then, after I leave, a new summer staff crew will come for the last weeks of camp. These huge numbers are an amazing testament to the impact this ministry has not only on Zambian lives, but also on American lives. These numbers represent the largest number of people we have ever had come through Camp Life in one summer. 

Greer, the founder and CEO of Family Legacy, constantly uses the word transformative. The growth of this ministry is a visible representation of how transformative Family Legacy has been for all who have been touched by its ministries. 

And,  can already tell that working on Summer Staff is going to be a transformative experience, to use Greer's words. In keeping with the number of volunteers, his is the largest Summer Staff group Camp Life has ever had. Lots of large numbers this summer. We have about 21 people on Summer Staff, 19 girls and 2 boys. All of us are attending college, all of us have a passion for Zambia and its children, and all of us feel fortunate to be a small part of the experience!

Tonight we welcomed our first group of American participants! After lots of preparation and anxious waiting the arrival, they are "in country"!  Summer Staff made my experience two summers ago comfortable so that I could invest and love over my children. I just hope that I can do the same for the hundreds coming this summer. 

Tomorrow we have church, and camp starts Momday! I have attached some photos of the villas that accommodate us and some of the children that we played with today. 

Here is a little background information on what is in my foreground right now!. The children here now live on the Family Legacy property year round In a community called the "Tree of Life". Those eligible for Tree of Life are extremely vulnerable children who were living in unimaginable situations. Tree of Life provides them not only with a safe bed and food, but also an education all the way through high school. There are about 700 children currently living in the Tree of Life. The children who attend to Camp Life do not live on the property. They are picked by Family Legacy staff who live in the various compounds (or neighborhoods) across town. Many of you may remember my quest to find sponsors for my ten beautiful angels two summers ago. None of my children were in situations that qualified them for Tree of Life, although their situations are not even close to ideal. Instead, by sponsoring my children you have provided them with an education at Lifeway Christian Academy, a Family Legacy community school. These schools are in all ten compounds, and provide students with food  and support as well of education. The villas in which we are staying  look very extravagant and they are!  I have heard stories of summers past in which hot water was scarce and the accommodations were not quite so posh!   Before the villas were built, Family Legacy was having to shell out millions to house participants in off site hotels. The amount of money being spent was crippling and the doors to this organization were near the brink of closing. Building the villas saves money, eliminates distractions, like 'are my belongings safe or will I have hot water', that detract focus from the children, and also provide a source of revenue throughout the year, as they are rented out for various conferences and retreats. 

Upstairs gathering room in our beautiful villa

My hands and brain are pushing for sleep, so I am going to end this post for now! I ask that you continue to pray for strength for Summer Staff and for the American volunteers as they prepare their hearts to receive these wonderful children! 

15 Hours Down

After a long 15 hours + of traveling, I am finally nestled in an Emirates layover hotel bed. Rather than getting some rest for the 8 + hours of travel that I will face in a mere 7 hours, I decided to take to my blog. Not much has occurred since leaving US waters, so there are few if any juicy details to report back to the home front. I watched a total of 5 movies, occasionally sleeping between each one. Highly recommend The Dressmaker with Kate Winslet. As usual, the Emirates experience was comfortable, and the staff was very accommodating. We touched down in Dubai at 6:55 pm (Dubai time) and proceeded to the hotel. We then ate and meandered a little around Dubai in a large group, before returning, exhausted and sleepy eyed, to our respective rooms. The seven other Summer Staff team members that I am traveling with share my excitement and joy for the work ahead of us. I already know that this experience of serving for the Lord this summer and  putting others before myself is going to be a changing and gratifying experience. I am so excited for the path God has set me out upon, and all I ask is for your prayers and support as I try to serve to the best of my ability. Some returning Summer Staff members have already warned us newbies of some of the trials ahead, saying that statistically speaking 1 out of every 1 Summer Staff Member gets sick at some point throughout this month long journey. However, I am armed with my love of Christ (and a fair amount of EmergencyC). With the help of your prayers, I am confident that this will be one of the best summers of my life.


P.S. Check back for updates! My goal is to post often!!